Sunday, for the third weekend in a row, Mama Mia and I spent a few hours with Kate. Much like last weekend we spent some time playing on a field at the local junior college with Breezy and Chloe. In the same field was a group of thirty or so teenagers doing community service whilst being supervised by three probation officers. Curious, Kate asked if these were bad kids. Mama Mia and I assured her they were not bad kids, they were just kids who had made bad choices and were suffering the consequences of those choices.
Later we had some errands to run, including a visit out to our new home site. Kate loved exploring the fancy nooks and crannies of the model home, even stopping to tuck a long feather duster into her belt and strut around the living room like a haughty Siamese cat. When we ducked into the room that would be hers should she come to live with us, we talked decorating. Pink would be her preference for a wall color, and teddy bears are a must. Finishing our business at the model, we ventured off to tackle the rest of our list.
Our next stop was Pier One Imports. How we love that store. Hopefully it still loves us 'cuz all those little doo dads and whohas and what nots they have? Those baubles are sorely tempting to a little girl who has learned to survive and take what she wants and "needs" when no one is looking.
I am so thankful that God is watching and provided the opportunity for Kate to learn (or begin learning) some valuable lessons. He allowed the coveted and purloined whoha to fall from her pocket just before we arrived back at her group home.
Can I tell you, as a teacher, I am prepared for this sort of event. I simply write the referral, and the dean takes care of the messy details. But as a "mother" of sorts, I'm a rookie! Thankfully, I know a God who is the Master.
Kate has learned to lie so much and so well that she, herself, sometimes believes her own words. We are working on keeping her accountable without condemnation of anything but the lie and assuring her of the continuity of our relationship regardless of her poor choices.
For quite a little bit, Kate continued to insist the item was hers and had not been stolen. Calmly and without bite, I affirmed my love and acceptance of her but refused to accept the lie - going so far as to tell her plainly I didn't believe her. Finally, she acquiesced and agreed she had stolen the item. Thankful for the opportunity to remind her of the teenagers we had seen earlier in the day who were suffering consequences of their bad choices, I told her she needed to make amends for for her bad choice, but that choice did not make her bad. Thankfully, the staff of the group home allowed us to return to the store with Kate and require her to face the store manager with an explanation of her actions and an apology. It was a quiet ride all the way back to Pier One. Let me tell you, that little girl was a thinkin'. Once we arrived, the manager, though gracious, did not let her off easy and gave her a stern talking to about what a poor choice she had made and how much trouble she would be in next time.
I'm proud of Kate for finally admitting her lie, her crime and for standing up straight and making amends. Hopefully, the experience will be enough to curtail her kleptomania because I fear there will be no follow up consequences at the group home.
***Now for audience participation***
What would/have you done in this situation? What sort of additional consequences (if any) should there be in addition to returning to the store?
***Help a Sista out!***
Please pray for us as we continue this journey with Kate. I don't want to be one more person who lets her down, or worse, wounds her.
The good thing about this all? Kate now trusts us just enough to misbehave when she is with us. She doesn't feel like she has to be perfect to win our approval. I know her behavior will get worse before it gets better. It has to, or she won't know that we truly accept her - warts and all.
Daddy, let me show Kate the love and acceptance you have shown me. In your time, bring her to salvation. Set her feet upon the rock and give her a sure foundation.
When your worst fear comes true.
